it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
