oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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