Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
