Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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