Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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