im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Princesses don't give blow jobs
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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