Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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