wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
