So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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