last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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