Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
