Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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