You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
