yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
