I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
