I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize
