i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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