We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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