I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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