Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
