I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I could fuck to npr.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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