we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
