I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
