on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
