He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
