this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
