During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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