I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
