fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
