i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
