i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it was like eating out sand paper
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
