I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
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