I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
