Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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