I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
