Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
