you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i out mim tonsoeep
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
