Your face is a jimmy john
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
