I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
