I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
