and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
