Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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