I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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