I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
