you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
