Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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