ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
