i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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