You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
