Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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