I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
