I can text with my tongue
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
