Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
