Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
