I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
