I need help removing her.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
