i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
