No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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